What makes a good parent?
Being a parent is a very difficult job. Nothing prepares you for it and you only find out whether you are any good at it after the child is born, which is a bit late in the day. However, if you are the possessor of certain qualities, you are more likely to be a successful parent.
In order to be a good parent, you need to be selfless to a large extent. The first thing that strikes new parents, especially new mothers, is that they can no longer do what they want when they want. They cannot even pop out to the corner shop, let alone meet their friends for a drink, without thinking of the new baby’s needs. They have to put someone else’s interests first.
Because they have people dependent on them, parents must have a sense of responsibility. They have to take care of their child or children and see that they have everything they need, from clean clothes to a warm house to nourishing food to a good education, to mention only the basics.
This selflessness and sense of responsibility mean that some people, who would much rather stay in a flat in the centre of town, move to the suburbs so that they can have a house with a garden for their children to play in. Alternatively, they might move to a part of town, which they do not really like, just because it is in the catchment area of a good school. Also, some parents give up some of their own interests or luxuries so that they can pay for ballet lessons, music lessons, swimming lessons and so on for their children.
Children do not just need basic care in order to have a happy childhood. Above all, they need love. Parents need, therefore, to have a capacity for love and an ability to show their affection for their children. They need to be able to show their emotions, even though they may find this difficult. Children need hugs and cuddles just as much as they need clean clothes and nourishing food, so that they can feel secure in their parents’ love.
Patience and tolerance are other qualities which go to make good parents. Young children require a great deal of patience. For the first few months of their lives, they are quite helpless and they need a lot of patient help when they are learning basic skills such as walking and feeding themselves. Even more patience is required when they are learning to go to bed and stay in their own beds all night, rather than constantly getting up for a drink of water, a biscuit or a cuddle!
When children grow up to be teenagers, they require yet more parental patience and tolerance. Teenagers are often keen to assert their independence and feel the need to rebel against their parents. This rebellious spirit and their moodiness can be very difficult for parents to cope with, and it is all too easy for parents to get angry and get involved in arguments with them. It is much better to stay patient and calm. Parents and teenagers who fall out badly sometimes never make it up and bad relations with parents can lead to teenagers running away from home.
There are books that claim to help people to become good parents, but really you learn parenting as you go along. It helps to have some of the right qualities, though.